Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Revolutionary free-thinkers Hard-fi have shocked the music world to it's very foundations this week. On September 4th those edgy ATM-botherers will release their second slab of exxxtreme truth-rock and guess what? It wont have any cover art! To make sure you realize that theres no cover art they've helpfully provided a cover with the words NO COVER ART printed in planet sized white letters on a yellow background. Frontman Richard Archer had this to say:

''We wanted to break the rules. We don't need some airbrushed band shot just because it might be expected. Fuck that. This is about the music'' {source: NME.com}

This isn't the first time the working class heroes from Staines have rattled the worlds tiny brain cage, 2005's zeigeist defining Stars of CCTV dealt with super-important issues like working all week so you can go have a pint on friday, having no credit on your phone, skipping the bus fare and contemplating running off on your girlfriend because she's pregnant. Yeah thats right, the shit the MAN doesn't want you knowing about! Can you handle it? Do you care?

- RV.

Bloody Awful

Overheard in a pub:

The Drummer from The Libertine's: "Did you see Pete's paintings were going on sale for up to £50,000 a piece?"

Carl Barat: "Really? Aren't they shit?"

The Drummer from The Libertine's: "No, they're blood. Ha, ha, ha."*

Pete "Peter" Doherty famous for, among other things, heroin addiction, crack addiction, his on/off relationship with a twig, thievery and assault has now expanded his creative palette into the otherwise unexplored arena of blood painting. In May of this year a gallery in London displayed an exhibit of Pete's work entitled "Bloodworks." Perhaps a more fitting title would have been "I'm A Talentless Wanker Desperate For Heroin Money." Basically, and I don't want to get too technical here, the whole blood painting process involves extracting blood from you or your companion's arm and making a really useless painting with it. It is preferable in this case if your companion is an unconsious teenage girl. Here is a piece Pete did called Bilo Ireland.

I'm not actually too sure what's going on in this one, me not having an artist's soul like Pete, but my guess would be that this is Pete's tour bus outside a music venue in Ireland. Wow, that is deep. Some of these works were on sale for as much as £50,000. The mind truly boggles. Anyone stupid enough to pay £50,000 for some of Pete Doherty's blood really ought to be shackled to the useless cunt when he's coming down off a fifty two hour crack and heroin bender and can no longer control his bodily functions.

Pete's fanbase consists mainly of teeange girls and confused young men in trilby hats, not exactly the types to have fifty grand lying around, so it's highly unlikely that many of these abominations were sold. Now there's an interesting question. What would a crack-crazed young troubador like Pete do with a gallery full of unsold blood paintings? It's not very likely he would want them around the house what with them being not only absolutey rubbish but also completely fucking disgusting. Maybe he sends them out to friends and relatives every year in place of Christmas cards. Word on the grapevine is that Pete is hard at work creating a blood dress for Kate Moss to wear in this year's Milan Fashion Week.

*This conversation may not have happened.


Monday, July 23, 2007

Kyle Field is RAD

Kyle Field has been releasing sweet soft off-key folk mumbles for the last decade or so under the name Little Wings. His latest project though is his very own label, it's called RAD and will be an imprint of the always excellent Marriage Records (Thanksgiving, YACHT, Viking Moses, Dirty Projectors yadda yadda yadda).
First up on RAD will be the seventh Little Wings long-player Soft Pow'r on September 14th, soon after we'll be treated to the first album by one of Fields side projects The Be Gulls. The album, named By the Beach, sets out to be the perfect blend of The Beatles and The Eagles but dont worry it's nowhere near as horribly shite as that sounds.

Little Wings - Free Bird mp3 taken from Soft Pow'r.

The Be Gulls - Good Again mp3 taken from By the Beach.

Kyle Fields

Marriage Records

- RV.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Mercury Music Prize: Monumental Shit-Fest

The Mercury Music Prize nominations were released this week to the sound of utter, utter indifference. This laughable exercise in the art of arse-licking was established in 1992 as an alternative to the mainstream, more industry dominated BRIT awards. Now before you dismiss me as some kind of bitter, twisted old misanthrope who doesn't understand the "kids" and their music these days just hear me out. I know what nu-rave is thank you very much. Music so bad it will make you want to puke blood in the artists face. The Mercury nominations are particularly woeful this year so let's just take a step back and have a closer look at some of the artists, shall we.

Out of the twelve acts nominated two are previous winners, eights have just released debut albums and the remaining two have one studio album under their belt. All with the possible exception of Klaxons and Bat For Lashes are utterly dismal. A few in particular stick out as fine examples of the sorry state of British music.

Watching post-op transvestite lookalike Amy Winehouse going spectacularly and very publicly mental since she first entered the limelight in 2003 has been a constant source of amusement here at Office Gimcrack. Frank, her debut album had the British Music press falling over themselves to proclaim her the saviour of British Soul music and other such nonsense. Frankly (no pun intended), I think its unlistenable dross. Her most recent effort Back to Black follows in the same vein. All over-produced beats, strangulated cat vocals and "oh-pity-me" lyrics. I found myself bored almost to tears by such self-indulgant tripe. Winehouse is not doing herself any favours by combining a predictable, pedestrian musical output with a downright obnoxious public persona. Missed gigs, incoherent performances, public screaming matches with her creepy husband, this kind of bollocks is getting really tired at this point. The sight of her seemingly pissed, spitting on the studio floor during a guest spot on Never Mind The Buzzcocks will stand, in my mind, as one of the most charming of 2006. I couldn't find that particular clip on YouTube so instead here's some footage of Amy legless, mumbling her way through a performence at the BBC Sessions. What was that Amy? Didn't quite catch you there.

There are certain bands that are so monumentally witless, unimaginative and dull that cynics like myself derive a sadistic sort of pleasure from their utterly banal music. The View are such a band. Here is a group of tousle-haired Pete Doherty wannabes who produce music so arse-clenchingly awful its enough to make you seriously consider jabbing knitting needles directly into your brain through the ear canal. Joyless shite. Music as a fashion statement and possibly the worst band to come in the wake of The Libertines. It's hard to imagine anyone over the age of fourteen with a functioning brain finding this rubbish anything other than laughable. With any luck they'll have all developed debilitating crack habits by the time the winner is announced forcing them to sell their instruments so they can never poison my ears again. I was going to post some footage of these cheeky chappies but decided that nobody should ever be subjected to such nonsense so here's a clip of Animal Collective's new single, Fireworks, off their forthcoming Strawberry Jam album. Enjoy!

As for the rest of the nominations, well there's nobody here that really stands out as doing anything new or exciing. The Arctic Monkey's second album My Favoutite Wrst Nightmare was a clumsy retread of their first lacking anything in the way of wit or originality. The overall impression was that these lads don't really give a shit. Dizee Rascall has failed to live up to the potential of Boy In The Corner. Listening to Jamie T is an experience akin to watching a cat being sick while trying to eat a sandwich. Basically shit. Fionn Regan is a Dublin based singer/songwriter with shit hair still clinging to the coattails of Damien-Fucking-Rice. For god's sake man! Your the last thing we fucking need. Put down your guitar, shut your yap and go find a proper job and do rest of us a fucking favour.

Still its not all drunken fag-hags and brainless yelping. Kalxons are doing something genuinely interesting. The NME's psychotic mission to hype every new band into oblivion may prove their downfall so here's hoping they don't fall into that trap. Bat For Lashes does a nice line in pysch/folk but might be considered to strange for some tastes. They would be the tastes of utter cunts though. It has been said that the Mercury Music Prize is the kiss of death for the winner and it is true that certain past winners' careers have hit a wall after scooping the prize and they haven't produced anything of note since. If that is the case let's hope they all win this year.

- S.B.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Penny felchers.

We've been having a bonfire out the back of the Team Gimcrack offices. It hasn't been fun but it had to be done. Turns out some of our (ex)favorite acts, ones we thought would stay pure till the end, have allowed their music to be used in TV comercials. It makes me want to puke up my coccyx bone. So its goodbye Apple O', goodbye Sung Tongs, goodbye Sunlandic Twins, goodbye to every album, ep, poster, t-shirt, 7'' and Ltd edition picure disc split 10'' these despicable penny felchers have ever released. It wasn't fun but it had to be done.

Deerhoof - Blue Cash : : Robinsons Grow Ad

Well well well, looks like our once favorite art-pop noise spazz's think that fruit cordials are worth selling their souls for. Juice! fucking fruit juice for 9 year olds! The mind boggles.

Animal Collective - Sweet Road : : Crayola Colour Explosion Ad

What is it with these bands trying to appeal to the under 10's? Most kids are idiots and the ones in this comercial are no exception, check out the one trying to look into the marker, fool. Their drawings are rubbish as well.

Of Montreal - Wraith Pinned to the Mist (and Other Games) : : Outback Steakhouse Ad

This has to be the worst of the bunch, this song used to be a majestic rumination on Emanuel Kant-esque thoughts of non-existance. Now its been rewritten to make going to an Austrailian themed steakhouse seem like a good idea. Stupid shitty spa's!

Supposedly theres a new Spar ad doing the rounds with Danielsons 'Did i step on your trumpet' being used to promote a new Egyptian style breakfast roll or something. If anyone can find proof of this please send it to us so we can throw our Sounds Familyre back catalog onto the flaming burnt mess.

- RV

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Harry Potter - The Order of the Phoenix

Like AIDs before it, Harry Potter Mania is leaving a trail of dead homosexuals and intravenous drug users in it's wake. Not really of course and we love everybody equally here at Gimcrack Solarium but today did see the release of the fifth Potter movie The Order of the Phoenix. We tried to get tickets for the preview this morning but it turns out you have to book these things in advance and not just arrive dressed as 90's rap sensation the Outhere Brothers. We thought about just making up a review without seeing the film but felt that would be a tad unfair. Having never seen any of the movies, let alone read any of the books we probably wouldn't have been the best people for the job. Luckily for us there's about 13 million reviewers over on imdb.com who have. Heres some choice quotes, enjoy!

note: if you dont want to find out that a dementor gets stabbed in the eye-hole don't read on

Author: THEWAND69 from United States:
I've never cheered so much during a Potter movie . . . and I've certainly never cried so much... I was sobbing. Literally sobbing in my seat. Everyone sitting next to me was crying as well, and I was crying so hard that I had to take off my glasses because I couldn't see.

Author: Ernest_Wordsworth_Jnr from United States:
Stupefied!!! Three Words- Potter 5 is BEST
It have been AMESOME...MOVIE IS PACED FAST AT CLIMAX. Yeah. That was bad...If you are planning to go to watch any other film, I must suggest you if you miss it than you'll be the most unlucky person.

Author: eire32 from Spain:
Firstly, Harry stabbed the dementor in the eye with his wand! What?!

Author: wizardsleeve608 from United States:
Poking a dementor in the eye when it is choking you? Seriously now

Author: two_pak from United States:
whoever decided that Grawp should look like a 20' middle-aged man with Down's Syndrome should be tortured for the rest of their life...my advice is to stick to the book, even Mel Gibson did that...

Author: jeremy_paXXXman from Wales:
The scriptwriter for this movie should be made to cut a switch for himself to be whipped with.

Author: pip from United States {this poor imdb user had to resort to self-harm}:
there is something about Emma Thompson where every time she cries in a movie, I start tearing up myself.

and the best thread from the forums:

- 'Salty' Joe

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


Up until this week i've alway had the same answer for the question:
'if you had a time machine, where and when would you go back to?'. Simple: Jurassic Park, Isla Nublar off the coast of
Costa Rica 1993, only real.

After spending the last couple of days looking through the countless pictures and shaky videos shot in Brooklyn Bridge park on 07/07/07, a tropical island full of real dinosaurs seems a bit notveryexciting in comparison.

On that day, one of the worlds greatest live acts the Boredoms (eYe, Yoshimi, ATR and Sen) set up their 3 drum kits, samplers and what looks to be half-a-dozen multi-coloured guitar necks atatched to metal bars. They were then surrounded by an ever-growing spiral of 74 of their drummer friends (including members of Oneida, Lightning Bolt, Gang Gang Dance, Awesome Colour and Anderw WK himself) and did what they do best: made a shit-load of noise! Reports say the concert was so loud it could be heard across the river in Manhattan.

Here's the seating plan -->
i think Navin R. Johnson was number 27.

More Pics
More Videos

- RV.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

There Will Be Genius!

There Will Be Blood is the sixth feature by Los Angeles based writer/director Paul Thomas Anderson and is due to hit cinemas later on this year. Fans of the director will be interested to know that this is his first film not to be based on original material. The movie is an adaptation of the novel, Oil, published in 1927 by prolific American author Upton Sinclair Jr and stars The Greatest Living Irish Actor/Intense Nutbag Daniel Day Lewis as a tycoon. Who finds oil. On a ranch. In a town. Brilliant! Anderson's last feature (well not technically, he filled in for Robert Altman who rather inconveniently died before he completed A Prairie Home Companion, but that was a pile of shit) was the "romantic comedy" Punch Drunk Love. A bizarre and complex love story featuring a revelatory central performance by Adam Sandler the movie was well received by critics but preformed poorly at the box office. Personally, I think this is his masterpiece but many viewers will be pleased to learn Anderson has returned to his roots. There Will Be Blood, by all accounts, contains all the familiar aspects of P.T. Anderson's filmaking ie, a large ensemble cast and complex interweaving storylines. If the moody, enigmatic trailer is anything to go by this should be cracker. Any moviegoer worth their salt will check this out when it opens later this year. Boogie Nights was good wasn't it? And the frogs in Magnolia? Savage...


Friday, July 6, 2007

Dan Deacon - Crawdaddy 17th August

Thats Right! Baltimore's Dan Deacon will be bringing his sugary technicoloured Hi-NRG noise pop to that rubbish venue where they kick you out at 11 to make way for the club. Saps. Eh... shit, actually this gig is part of the club night and starts at 11.30! I love Crawdaddy! Make sure to bring a stool or some phone books if yr under 6ft tall as Dan is one of those types who likes to play in the audience rather than on the stage.

Dan Deacon - Wham City mp3

Dan Deacon - Crystal Cat video:

Odd but great support on the night comes from Irish act So Cow who do a nice line in bumble hum indie pop.

So Cow - The League Of Impressionable Teens mp3

go to:

Dan Deacon's Myspace

So Cow's Myspace

- RV

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Pissed Jeans

SMASH!!!! KILL!!!! Piss on the neighbors cat! SMASH!!! SMASH!!! Kick a pram over!!! SMASH!!!! KILL!!!Smile loads.

Pissed Jeans - I've Still Got You (Ice Cream) mp3

- RV