Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Bloody Awful

Overheard in a pub:

The Drummer from The Libertine's: "Did you see Pete's paintings were going on sale for up to £50,000 a piece?"

Carl Barat: "Really? Aren't they shit?"

The Drummer from The Libertine's: "No, they're blood. Ha, ha, ha."*

Pete "Peter" Doherty famous for, among other things, heroin addiction, crack addiction, his on/off relationship with a twig, thievery and assault has now expanded his creative palette into the otherwise unexplored arena of blood painting. In May of this year a gallery in London displayed an exhibit of Pete's work entitled "Bloodworks." Perhaps a more fitting title would have been "I'm A Talentless Wanker Desperate For Heroin Money." Basically, and I don't want to get too technical here, the whole blood painting process involves extracting blood from you or your companion's arm and making a really useless painting with it. It is preferable in this case if your companion is an unconsious teenage girl. Here is a piece Pete did called Bilo Ireland.

I'm not actually too sure what's going on in this one, me not having an artist's soul like Pete, but my guess would be that this is Pete's tour bus outside a music venue in Ireland. Wow, that is deep. Some of these works were on sale for as much as £50,000. The mind truly boggles. Anyone stupid enough to pay £50,000 for some of Pete Doherty's blood really ought to be shackled to the useless cunt when he's coming down off a fifty two hour crack and heroin bender and can no longer control his bodily functions.

Pete's fanbase consists mainly of teeange girls and confused young men in trilby hats, not exactly the types to have fifty grand lying around, so it's highly unlikely that many of these abominations were sold. Now there's an interesting question. What would a crack-crazed young troubador like Pete do with a gallery full of unsold blood paintings? It's not very likely he would want them around the house what with them being not only absolutey rubbish but also completely fucking disgusting. Maybe he sends them out to friends and relatives every year in place of Christmas cards. Word on the grapevine is that Pete is hard at work creating a blood dress for Kate Moss to wear in this year's Milan Fashion Week.

*This conversation may not have happened.



OB said...

"Bloody awful" could'nt be a more appropriate title for this ridiculous rant. It really is incredibly predictable and entirely depressing to come across yet another unresearched piece of rehashed shit involving none other than media punchbag extraordinaire, Peter Doherty! It seems to be the fashionable thing to just completely disregard him as a so called "talentless wanker desperate for heroin money". If hes the reprobate that uneducated fucking idiots & retardo tabloid journalists believe him to be then why do you people care so much? Dont waste your time thinking, discussing or writing about him. The simple fact is people are completely enamoured by him whether they'll admit it or not! His latest endeavour, a series of artwork exhibited at Notting Hills' Bankrobber gallery entitled 'Bloodworks' is yet another achievement of his thats been attacked by morons who dwell on the fact that like thousands of people the world over, he has an addiction to heroin. It seems irrelevant to the majority that he is a published writer, an accomplished musician, poet, lyricist and artist and that drugs and Kate Moss are something that he happens to do or 'did' in the case of the latter. The most frustrating and painstakingly annoying thing is, the people who deem him "junkie rockstar Pete Doherty" or "Kate Moss' troubled boyfriend" are people who have never heard a Libertines or Babyshambles song, read his poetry or writing, actually seen his artwork in its entirety etc. The Bankrobber gallery is synonymous with established and emerging contemporary artists such as Russell Young, Mick Rock & elusive graffiti artist Banksy. Its amazing i guess then that several of his pieces were sold soon after the exibit was unveiled ranging in price from £1,000 for paper prints to £20,000 for smaller pieces to a staggering £50,000 for four paintings on canvas given that they're "absolutely rubbish" & "fucking disgusting", including pieces entitled 'Blackbird', 'No 3 of the 2's', 'Spot Piggy' & 'You look a bit fucked'. Like everything else hes turned his hand to its become a success much to his asshole begrudgers & haters annoyance! To simply disregard this original & inspired collection of work as an "abomination" is pathetic & closeminded beyond belief. The thing that really gets to the people who desecrate his name is despite the fact that he has a serious drug problem he still manages to be creative, write songs, sell albums, tour, have his journals published, have his poetry published in literary magazines, win awards for his poetry, have his artwork exibited and be adored by so many of his fans. Even though the suggestion of being shackled to Peter Doherty was nothing but a cheap gag, given the chance i think most of his fans would avail of this offer, loss of control of bodily functions aside. Thats the kind of impact hes made on people. And if this doesnt prove you wrong then just bear in mind the next time you're standing in your local friendly green grocers fruit section, the scent of your burning loins lingering in the air, imagining some kind of sordid citrusey threeway with some lemons & limes whilst peddling furiously, just remember that junkies just like Peter use citrus fruits in supermarkets to clean their skaggy, smackfilled syringes & if anyones likely to contract the bad aids its you, you freaky little fruit fucker!!! How dya like them apples? - literally!

--{--@ (-_-) said...

i want ob to join the gimcrack team!

ps. banksy's a load of rubbish

- RV.