Kasabian vs The Holloways: Somebody Get Me A Gun

(An Idiot From Kasabian)

Ever wondered what sort of chaos would ensue when two astonishingly bad bands clashed egos at 40,000 feet? We here at Gimcrack pride ourselves on bringing you the latest steaming hot piles of gossip straight from the gleaming porcelain toilet bowl that is showbiz.

On a recent flight from Japan to England following a performance at Summer Sonic Festival sub-Libertines shitehawks The Holloways, obviously getting ideas way above their station, blagged their way into the first class section of the plane. This apparently was too much for dance-rock crusaders and all round massive bell-ends Kasabian, who happened to be on the same flight. Deciding that the cheeky London scamps were not proper "rock-stars" (ha!), Tom and the other one got their skinny jeans in a twist and demanded that The Holloways be removed from sight and bundled back to economy class like the thieving little scrubbers they are.

Neither band were available for comment but a passenger had this to say: "It was all out mayhem! The thick looking one from Kasabian was pissed off cos those Holloway boys were having a right old time in first class. They had their guitars out and were strumming along like proper cockney scamps. That's when Tom and Serge from Kasabian got up and demanded they be removed. In fairness to Kasabian, they were working on their latest lame dance-rock, cod-political, face-stabbingly awful album at the time. They had a synthesizer right there on the plane and everything!" My next article will be entitled, If I Were A Suicide Bomber.

S.B.